Aliens 5: No Not Really
by Molly Annice
Summary: Something weird is happening to Dave Karofsky. The guys on the Football Team thinks he has an alien in him like from the movies. Most of the girls from Nude Erections think he has a weird Tumour. Brittany thinks he is pregnant. Only one of them is right. Re-Editing it up to Chapter 2 complete
1. Prologue

Title: Aliens 5: No Not Really Author: MollyAnnice Rating: 14-A Pairing: one-sided Kurt/Dave Spoilers: Up to Sue Sylvester`s Shuffle Episode

Word Count: 931/931

Summary: Something weird is happening to Dave Karofsky. The guys on the Football Team think he has an alien in him like from the movies. Most of the girls from Nude Erections think he has a weird Tumour. Brittany thinks he's pregnant. Only one of them is right. Guess?

Warning: MPreg Warning

Prologue

"Mom, Dad, I'm going to the Rink," Dave yells up the stairs. He winced at the silence, "Forgot they went out." Dave didn't know if he was happy they weren't there or not. One moment they were psychoanalyzing him about his bullying Kurt and his drop in grades. But at other times they couldn't seem to look at him and that fucking hurt. At the moment he also couldn't stand being around them and their incessant badgering him of why he did the things he did.

But truth was that he couldn't even look in the mirror sometimes. He admits he is completely the reason for his temporary expulsion from school. Why did it have to be guys? Why did it have to be Hummel and not chicks like Santana or that pretty blue eyes girl with light brown hair in his physics class who insults the teacher in some eastern Europe language? He couldn't say he bullied Kurt Hummel because of said sexual attraction. He couldn't say that he started failing because of the overwhelming need to hide that part of him.

Sighing to himself, he turns around, slamming the door shut. No one's home, no one's going to yell at him for not shutting the door properly or locking it. He heads for his truck. In the corner of his eye he could see a strangle light in the sky that was shaped like a line. Dave looks up and notices it's gone? "Weird," he mutters to himself before getting into his truck and starts it. Looking down at his watch, the time reads 8:27 PM.

As he drove down his street he looked in his rear mirror to see that odd light he saw before following him. Dave felt a chill run down his back as he sped up his truck as he sped up his truck. He turned his car out on to another street. Dave glanced back into his rear view mirrors the lights were still following him but getting closer.

Dave could feel his breath quicken as he sped up breaking the speeding laws but he doesn't care as sped up and went through a red light. No one was around which was odd.

Dave looks into his rear view mirror and the lights are gone. He breathes a sigh of relief that he didn't notice he was holding in. "This can't get any weirder," he muttered as some unknown force decided to take control of the wheel and where they are going.

"What the fuck," said Dave as he tried yanking control back from who knows what but the wheel wouldn't listen. Dave couldn't breath as he tried yanking the door open to find that he couldn't. He grabbed at his seat belt buckle and as hard as he tried to push it to open. It didn't budge.

"Jesus, this is not the good time to take a hold of the wheel," said Dave, he could here the patheticness in his voice. His old Ford truck was kidnapping him.

It was then that he remembered his phone. He grabbed it from his pocket and saw it had no service as he drove right by a cell phone service pole as his vehicle started driving out of town. Dave let out a hysterical giggle. His old Ford was kidnapping him and he had no way to get help.

As they drove Dave sat in his seat and tried several times to slam on the breaks. It was 10 minutes out of town that finally his car stopped. "This is not my life," he begs to himself looking up at the ceiling before turning his head to look out his door.

Beside him are 4-5 humanoid looking figures. They were gray looking and creepy. He gulps and pales. His car door was pulled open and he felt them yanking him out.

Dave punched one but it didn't stop them as he is yanked from the car. As he fights with them he shuts his eyes and when he opens them. A bright shiny light was against his eye lids. Then there arms were gone off him.

He opened his eyes He stares out from his family's front porch swing. Dave stands up, and looks out at his yard. His truck sitting in front of it and everything looking like it should be.

"What the Fuck happened," he whispers as the door opens.

"Hey you're up early," his Dad says in greeting, "Couldn't sleep, again?"

"Uh yeah," Dave said licking his lips, "I couldn't sleep." His Dad nods his head patiently looking at his son like he does one of his patients. He soon feels his Dad's hand on his shoulder when he comes to stand beside him.

"Is there anything you want to talk about, son?"

Dave quickly shrugs his Dad's hand off his shoulder. "No Dad, there is nothing I want to talk about."

"Son, You know that if you every need us, your mother and I will always be there for you, Right?"

"Yeah, Dad, I do," Dave said, nodding his head at his Dad.

"That's good," Paul spoke, "want to come back inside?"

"In a while from now," Dave said, "Is that okay with you?"

"Yes, Son, it is," his Dad said, nodding his head, "take all the time in the world." His Dad turned around and head for the door.

"Thanks, Dad."

"You're welcome, David," his Dad said in return before heading into the house.

Dave stared out at his front porch, "last night was a dream. A very weird sleepwalking dream."


	2. Chapter 1

Word Count: 1553/2443

Summary: Something weird is happening to Dave Karofsky. The guys on the Football Team think he has an alien in him like from the movies. Most of the girls from Nude Erections think he has a weird Tumor. Brittany thinks he's pregnant. Only one of them is right. Guess?

Warning: MPreg Warning

Author's note: if you want to order Pizza from the pizza hut in Lima, That would be the number I put in this fic. You are welcome.

Things will get worse for Dave from here on out.

Chapter One

"Adolf Hitler ruled Germany with an iron fist. He was charismatic and an evil little troll. He brought Germany scapegoats for their issues and the people in power soaked up the propaganda like a sponge," said Mrs. Humperdink, who liked to bring in the weird fetishes and freaky sex fact things world leaders were thought to have. It was her way to keeping the students from going to sleep in class in an unneeded way. "Little did those Germans know was that he enjoyed his niece peeing on his face and only had one testicle." Sadly enough it was these weird facts the students remembered most than the really important thing they did need to know.

Dave yawns. It wasn't like history was boring. In fact it was his favorite class. Mrs. Humperdink was this short 4'3" hobbit with curly hair and glasses as big as her head. She would come into class wearing these polka-dotted dresses in all colors and cowboy boots. She was always laughing and was a pretty fun teacher, not the best but a fun one.

"Hey man, not sleeping again," Azimio asks, punching his friend on the shoulder.

"Nah slept pretty well last night," Dave says, "probably that stomach flu going around making me tired." He watches Azimio wince.

"Huh," Azimio said, "wait. My sister had it and she ended up getting diarrhea."

"Yeah, So," said Dave staring at his friend confused.

"Just to let you know. If you shit your pants I am not driving to pick you up a new pair of underwear," was Azimio's reply.

"Yeah, I don't think I am going to have that problem." Dave felt his cheeks redden.

"Oh, Okay. I am just saying."

Dave licked his lips and got up slowly. The past three days have been weird. If he got up too fast he would get dizzy and nauseas and would need to sit back down again for a few seconds. Dave didn't know if he really had the stomach flu going around or if it had anything to do with that weird night two weeks ago and he didn't really want to find out.

Dave yawned again.

"Mr. Karofsky, are you feeling alright," Mrs. Humperdink said eying him. He knew it was from some soft spot she had for him because he reminded her of her late husband who died 5 years ago.

"Yeah," he said smiling at her, "I'm fine."

He watched the woman look him up and down. "No you are not. Now go down to the Nurse's office. We don't need you to be falling asleep in class. Now Skedaddle." She said, eying him fondly. He smirked back at her before following her orders. There were reasons like this she was his favorite teacher. Before turning around and saying, "Mr. Pederfew, I suggest you stop trying to use that mirror to look down Ms. Pierce skirt if you want to pass class." We walked by the greasy pervert. No one knew who was worse him or that Jason Ed something guy, the one who followed Crazy Berry around with a camera. But one thing was certain the guy smelled gross.

Before heading to the nurse's station, he decided to make himself a pit stop at the bathroom. He stepped up to the urinal and saw that this pee was a little pink. He paled. He was bleeding blood.

So, Dave was in a predicament. He didn't know what was going on with his body. He knew that there was good chance he was dying. His next stop had to be to the nurse's office to get someone to drive him to the hospital where he found a nurse. He quickly noted that Puck was taking his usual math time naptime. Did that guy ever go to anything outside of Glee club and football?

"Uh, Miss, Look I need someone to drive me to the hospital. I think something may be wrong with me." The woman who he thought was the nurse was blonde and had a glazed look in her eyes like as if she was on drugs or something. She smiled at something behind him because her eyes seemed to not be able to actually focus on anything.

"Ms. Nurse," the glazed eyed woman said, "my name is Miss Nurse, I think. What do you think it is?"

"You think," Dave said looking unsure of this woman. He wondered if she really did have any credentials to be a nurse. He kind of hoped it was a joke and she wasn't really a nurse, "um, your name is Ms. Nurse?"

"Yes," she said dreamily, "now what is the problem?"

"Now dear, I am a professional and I can help with you anything," Ms. Nurse said, trying to sound professional but it didn't help that she was slurring her word and words seemed to become longer coming from her mouth, "beside nothing looks wrong with you."

"Look," he whispered quietly to the woman, "It is kind of an issue when I am peeing blood from my, well, down there if you know what I mean."

"Well, dear," Ms. Nurse smiled at him fondly, "such a thing is normal with a young woman such as yourself. I remember my first period, fondly, I was twelve-"

"I'm a guy," Dave said, quickly interrupting the crazy woman. He stared at her crazy. He didn't even look like a girl. He heard a giggle near by and groaned. It was Puckerman and the fucker was laughing at Dave's predicament. This was another one of those shouldn't have gotten up days.

"Aren't you Rachel Berry," asked Ms. Nurse.

"Noooo," said Dave, staring at her, "I'm David Karofsky."

"You are," spoke the shocked nurse, before she reached down and grabbed between his legs, "oh you are. Well, dear, you really need to get that checked out." Dave yanked her hand away now very pissed off. He didn't come to the nurse's office to get groped by some freak and possible druggie.

He turned to look at a now horrified Puck before turning to the nurse.

"What the hell are you on?"

"Oh, these little pills that I found in my desk," she smiled at him blissfully. Dave paled as she kept talking, they hired her he though, and "I don't know what they are though. Now I could drive you to the hos-"

"I'll take him," spoke up Puckerman, finally coming to Dave's rescue.

"That would be lovely, Ms. Pierce," Said Ms. Nurse.

Puck stared at her for a second before turning to Dave, "c'mon dude." Dave stared at him before following him.

"What the hell was that?"

"She's weird like that," said Puck shrugging.

"That's not normal," said Dave.

"Ms. Nurse is a handful at time," said puck, "Sometimes she is like that and other times she can be fun. Yesterday decided she didn't like wearing clothes and walked around the nurse's office naked." Puck sighed with fondness.

"So why are you not driving yourself," asked Puck.

"I had a freak out behind the wheel," said Dave, "I haven't been driving since."

They drove in silence. Where Dave got the Answer, "Look I am busy with patience. I can't see you."

"Look, Dr. Chin was it I need your help. I could be dying here," Dave told the woman who seemed not to give a shit.

"I can't help you," she said, glaring at him.

"Look, Lady –"

"Are you Pregnant?"

"No."

"Well, I am an Obstetrician," She said, "You are wasting my time if you are not pushing out a baby from your vagina and since you don't have a vagina you are simply wasting my time. Understand?"

"Yeah," he said, licking his lips and thinking that this woman was a fucking cow. At the woman walks away he noticed another Doctor walking by.

"Hey, Doc," Puck said grinning, "can you help my friend, here?"

The Asian doctor looked Dave up and down before asking, "Is he pregnant?"

"No," Dave answered, looking confused and annoyed. Puck walks a bit away to give him privacy with the doctor in the hall.

"Well, I can't-"

As the doctor was walking away, Dave Physically stopped him from going further; "look I'm peeing blood from my dick that is not natural. I need your help?"

The man sighed, "Alright, Let me look at your folder in your hand." Dave and puck watches the man look it over before he turns to Dave and says, "Does it hurt when you pee?" Dave blushed a little and did a quick nod. "It is most likely a Urinary tract infection. Drink a lot of water and cranberry juice. Pee every time you need to go and stay away from caffeine for a week. If it doesn't clear up call Dr. Lopez at 419- 228-2265, Okay?"

"Thanks," Dave said, rolling his eyes.

"I need to keep people happy because you might knock some girl up and..."

"That isn't going to happen," Dave said, snorting, "anytime soon," 'Or ever,' he thought as he watched the doctor walk away. "Well that was a waste of my time."

"That was a waste," said Puck, "want to go to Burger King?"

"Yeah I can eat," said Dave, "I'll buy."

"Thanks man," said Puck.

"Thanks for driving me to this," said Dave."

"No prob."


	3. Chapter 2

Word Count: /2443

Chapter Two

Dave was really starting to hate his life more. He was sick all of the time. Just the smell of certain things left him running to the toilet like coffee. The disgusting smell of coffee just hangs in the air. It didn't matter if it was decaffeinated or caffeinated it smelled gross either way. It all smelt gross to him. The worst part of it all was that the Gleeks have realized his Achilles' heels with coffee and all of them were coming up to talk to him with coffee of choice in hand at every chance they got.

He also found it annoying that he couldn't go longer than 12 hours without sleep by the end of a school day. He was tired and days that there were practice, he was exhausted. Several times he just got into the back of his truck and just took a nap after practice. Dave also found that if he ate quickly at lunch and that if he was able to get to his truck.

Then he also woke up this morning looking like he did when he was 15, covered from head to toe in acne. The fact that Rachel Berry was the first to see him this morning, she just looked him up and down and he saw the pity on her face. Rachel fucking Berry pitied him. She felt sorry for him. It was humiliating that one of the loser squad felt pity for him. It is bad enough any spare moment he had he was worshipping the porcelain thrown. So, yeah to Dave his life really sucked ass. Hell, Azimio's reaction wasn't any better. The guy asked if he was going through puberty again. It also didn't help that the area around his nipples and chest were sore and swollen.

"Are you okay in there," he heard her voice. He groaned. This was the boy's Bathroom.

Dave gritted his teeth, "go away, Berry." He waited a minute to hear the bathroom door. "Your still there aren't you?"

"It has come to my attention that you have been purging your stomach of a stomach sickness and saw that you have been drinking a lot of Pepto-Bismol and that doesn't seem to be helping it," Berry said sounding as pompous and annoying forever.

"How do you know that," asked Dave. Is there a point to this," Dave said getting up slowly, wishing that he didn't get extremely dizzy when he got up too fast.

"I may know of some very good herbal remedies that will staunch your symptoms," she said.

Dave licked his lips thinking of what she said. "Staunch means stop, right?"

"Yes," she said, slowly as if talking to a slow child. Usually that would have pissed him off but today it was good news. He swung open the door to look at her. She was also carrying a burlap shopping bag

"Is there a catch to this?"

Rachel shook her head.

"Why are you doing this for me?"

She opens her mouth, "it-"

"There is a catch to this."

"It has come to my attention that you have been feeling under the weather lately and as a fellow student of McKinley and an ex-girlfriend of not one but two of your football team mates I decided on the goodness of my heart," Rachel started staying, "I have noticed that in class you are not only showing signs of nausea but dizziness and the fact that you have to school looking less than glowing. I started feeling bad for coming up to you with a coffee in the morning to talk to you know it will worsen you symptoms."

"So, this is because of your conscience I know you don't have," He said, "What's the catch?"

"There is no catch," said Rachel glaring at him, "I can be nice."

"Yeah I like you were nice to Mr. Ryerson or that exchange student?"

Rachel winced back as if he smacked her, "I want to be better. Besides you are one to talk with the way you treated Kurt. I can't believe I am helping a homophobe like you."

Dave winced and grabbed her hand as she tried walking away, "I'm sorry."

Rachel turned and glanced at him. He shrugged his shoulders.

"You know I kind of deserved you guys being assholes to me," said Dave.

Rachel nodded at him.

"So, what are these remedies," He said staring at her still not believing her. She smiled at him and showed him what was in the bag.

"I bought you some organic ginger ale, it is a cure for all and crackers. Also these vitamins are vitamin B6 and they help a lot. Also these are bioband they are usually used for sea sickness but they really help with dizziness as well as nausea."

"This would work," He asked looking at her with hope.

"Yes," Rachel nodded.

"Why?"

"Why, what?"

"Why are you helping me?"

"No, seriously, why are you helping me?" Dave kept on asking.

"I am trying to be a good person," Rachel said feeling like she was repeating herself. She felt sorry for the boy in front of her. He was going through a hard time. His body seemed to be doing weird things and the nurse.

"I get that, but what brought this on?"

Rachel bit her lip. The nurse just came up to her yesterday.

"Awww, Dave Karofsky, It is nice to see you again," said the woman grabbing Rachel by the elbow and physically man handling her to look at her.

Blinking Rachel stared at the woman and started correcting her, "I'm not Da..."

"How is your Penis, dear? Is it still bleeding?"

"I – what?"

"Your penis, dear, How is your penis," the woman said, putting her face so close to Rachel's that their noses were touching.

"I'm not Dave Karofsky," Rachel said pulling as far away from the woman's face as possible.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am positive." Rachel tried smiling at the woman until the woman grabbed her crotch. The girl shrieked.

"What in the hell." Both nurse turned and stared at a jock. It was the first time ever Rachel Berry was glad to see Azimio Adams. At that moment, the big beautiful black man that was one of the main bullies was the best looking man in her eyes even with that blue slushy in hand.

"He would know where Dave Karofsky is," She said pointing the nurse in his direction.

"When did Artie Abram's start hanging out with Dave Karofsky," she asked her. Both teenagers were speechless.

"I'm Azimio Adam's," the boy said staring at the woman like as if she was crazy. Which she truly was crazy and high at the same time, you know.

"You are dear," She said finally letting go of Rachel.

"Yeah," he said, grabbing Rachel and ended up using her as a shield. He didn't need his crotch grabbed. The woman looked like she didn't believe what he is saying for a moment before rolling her eyes.

"Oh, you students all look the same to me." The nurse spoke with a frown on her face, "why is that?"

Both students gave her a strange look. It was well known that Figgin's was cheap but they really didn't think that he was cheap enough to hire a woman this incompetent or insane. Rachel personally thought that that the ex-Mrs. Schuester could have done a better job than this woman in front of her. They both watched the woman stare off into space and then looking at them confused decided to walk off.

"That was the strangest and scariest thing I have ever seen," said Azimio, "what the hell did she come up to talk to you about?"

"Nothing," said Rachel, biting her lip feeling guilty, "she thought I was your friend Karofsky."

"Okay I am just leaving. Here have this slushy," said Azimio, "I was going to slushy you but you have just been sexually assaulted by staff. This school is crazy."

Rachel remembered watching him leave

"So, what brought this on," Dave said again.

"You just didn't look that good this morning and I wanted to help," Rachel said smiling at him.

Dave nodded at her, "thanks."

"Don't mention it."


End file.
